Everything seemed never worked since Mom was gone.

Dad always tried to look so gentle in every issues, but his eyes couldn’t lie. He hit hard on everything to put it all together. Being a father and a mother at the same time never crossed his mind before. But he was trying, struggling very hard because it is the only way to move on and live the life as it should be for his two boys, Bro and I.

I went out of town to continue my study. He was so happy and worried at the same moment when he knew I was going to college that’s really far from home, yet I remember he embraced me to be a big grown up man as he put himself as an example.

Bro has moved out from home. I really have no idea where he lives right now but ever since he left home, Dad was all alone. Not literally, since my two lovely uncles also live with him, but I know he always feels the absent from both of us, Bro and I.

Once I came home after a long tiring 5-hour-trip by train. I remember the look on his face by his eyes meeting mine when his youngest careless kid came home without telling him in the first place. I knew that he welcomed me as he began reminiscing how hard it was to realize that he was just alone right there welcoming me, no Mom. He felt something different. I felt he felt it, yet he kept on trying to look as fair and decent as everything could be or like everything has been. But all I know, everything has never been ever since.

Everything seemed never worked since Mom was gone.

Bro was always busy with his dream that he knew it’s hard to reach. I rarely see him, but I know he’s trying. His shoulder suffered the weighs that he couldn’t imagine before. But he’s getting used to it, though.

I never knew him more than I should. He’s more like acquintance than an elder loving care brother, yet he’s my brother. He never finished his study and pretty sure it was the one he regretted the most.

Just like Dad, Bro always tried to keep everything on the line, except it was the only thing that he knew he wasn’t ready for it. I recall I was so furious when I heard he moved out from home, leaving Dad alone. But I never cared about it anymore. I wasn’t sure why, but I know home didn’t seem like a home to him anymore. Everything already looked like a ruin, like a shipwreck, yet he kept on trying to convince himself that home will always be home, just like everything has always been. But all I know, everything has never been ever since.

Everything seemed never worked since Mom was gone.

And that day, I just died partially.